You want the truth?
I was so pissed at you because you got up and left. You got up and left just like my mother did. And that's what hurt the most. You used to tell me that I was better and she doesn't know what she just did because she left a great daughter. You would always tell me, "You'll be alright."
After realizing that you were such a good friend to me, and you were trying. I decided to try too. I wrote you a long ass message about how much I miss our friendship - just waiting for a response. Did I get one? Aha, nope. I find it funny that the messages that mean the most to me, people just have a tendency to read them. Way to make me feel fucking special.
I'm so grateful that you would call me here and there. Just the sound of your singing, brings a smile to my face. But, sometimes I'm wondering if I'm shooting myself in the foot because you talk about other girls to me. And how much these girls want you. Shit, you tell the girl that likes you this? You're fucking awesome. But on the other hand, you make me feel special. With the little things that you do. Like at the game, when you were walking to the bus and you couldn't talk to anybody. I was standing on the side, looking at you, and through your helmet, you winked at me. I smiled and waved. Just a little gesture as a wink, made me feel special.
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Saturday, August 8, 2009
Straight Up -
I really like you. Idk? Just the way you made me feel about myself. The fact that you were always there. The one that I could count on to be there. The one that would call me every night. I'm not even joking, you were like my best friend. This whole summer, we would cry to each other on the phone.
I remember that one night that you and Ihi got into that big fight. You and I were in a little bit of fight. Capri was sleeping over my house. I left my phone in my room while her and I watched TV downstairs. You called me twice and a text message. I wasn't planning on calling you back. I don't remember, but I was mad at you. We came back into my room and you left Capri a commetn asking for her number. I was like WTF? I knew for sure I wasn't going to call you back. You called Capri and asked for me. You called her because you wanted to talk to me. That feeling - I could never forget. You were telling me how I'm your best friend and you look up to me.
The party - oh man. That was crazy. I swear, I couldn't wait for the party because I knew you would be there. The reason why I told you that I wasn't going was because for once in your life maybe you would be happy to see me. I guessed wrong. Matter of fact - you looked pissed to actually see me. Was it becasue I walked in with Ihi? As soon as we walked through the doors, you turned completely around. Yes, you kissed me hello but you could feel the awkwardness between you. Everybody felt it. You didn't talk to me. I didn't know why. The only thing you told me was "Ash, smell my hands." Thats pretty much it. When she gave you a lapdance, it crushed me. I knew you guys were joking, but it came to the point where I had to turn around. I walked outside with Ihi and had to suck my balls so I can put on a smile for Darian at her party.
I don't know what happen to be completely honest. When I got my phone taken away, we stopped talking. I tried my hardest to talk to you. As soon as I got it back, you sounded like you didn't want to talk to me. Fine then. I didn't know what I did wrong. So, I thought maybe I should tell you the truth. And what do you tell me, "don't waste your time here." Oh jeez, thanks for making me feel like shit. I wanted to cry right then and there at school. I wish that I didn't say anything. You sent me a message saying how you were sorry and shit. Doesn't seem like it? It seems like you don't give a shit whats going on. I'm fucking dieing here and you think its just a walk in the park. You told me that you can't handle me being mad at you. You can handle other people being mad at you, but not me. WTF are you doing? Yeah, aboustely nothing.
I told you I wouldn't leave. And I didn't. I still didn't. I'll always be here for you. You know how to call me, you've done it before. The ball is in your court now. I tried talking to you but you just stop. So, whatever. You do what you want.
I remember that one night that you and Ihi got into that big fight. You and I were in a little bit of fight. Capri was sleeping over my house. I left my phone in my room while her and I watched TV downstairs. You called me twice and a text message. I wasn't planning on calling you back. I don't remember, but I was mad at you. We came back into my room and you left Capri a commetn asking for her number. I was like WTF? I knew for sure I wasn't going to call you back. You called Capri and asked for me. You called her because you wanted to talk to me. That feeling - I could never forget. You were telling me how I'm your best friend and you look up to me.
The party - oh man. That was crazy. I swear, I couldn't wait for the party because I knew you would be there. The reason why I told you that I wasn't going was because for once in your life maybe you would be happy to see me. I guessed wrong. Matter of fact - you looked pissed to actually see me. Was it becasue I walked in with Ihi? As soon as we walked through the doors, you turned completely around. Yes, you kissed me hello but you could feel the awkwardness between you. Everybody felt it. You didn't talk to me. I didn't know why. The only thing you told me was "Ash, smell my hands." Thats pretty much it. When she gave you a lapdance, it crushed me. I knew you guys were joking, but it came to the point where I had to turn around. I walked outside with Ihi and had to suck my balls so I can put on a smile for Darian at her party.
I don't know what happen to be completely honest. When I got my phone taken away, we stopped talking. I tried my hardest to talk to you. As soon as I got it back, you sounded like you didn't want to talk to me. Fine then. I didn't know what I did wrong. So, I thought maybe I should tell you the truth. And what do you tell me, "don't waste your time here." Oh jeez, thanks for making me feel like shit. I wanted to cry right then and there at school. I wish that I didn't say anything. You sent me a message saying how you were sorry and shit. Doesn't seem like it? It seems like you don't give a shit whats going on. I'm fucking dieing here and you think its just a walk in the park. You told me that you can't handle me being mad at you. You can handle other people being mad at you, but not me. WTF are you doing? Yeah, aboustely nothing.
I told you I wouldn't leave. And I didn't. I still didn't. I'll always be here for you. You know how to call me, you've done it before. The ball is in your court now. I tried talking to you but you just stop. So, whatever. You do what you want.
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