Alike.

You're Bella.
I'm Jacob.

As I was watching New Moon, I've come to those two conclusions above. Bella breaks up with Edward, and who's there to pick up the pieces? Jacob.

You broke up with her, and who's there to pick up the pieces? Me.

Yet Jacob fell for Bella like I fell for you.

Its ironic.

I told you so.

I told you she would hurt you like this. And the best part about this all is that I warned her not to do this. & what she do? The exact opposite. Everybody knew that she couldn't love like I do. Everybody walks out on you. & who's the only one that sticks around and is actually there for you?

Right, the one you don't choose.

Smooth.

No thank you?

Once again, I tend to your every need. I tend to your every weakness. I want to protect to from all harm in this world. And how do I do that? Listen to you when you tell me your problems. But do I ever get a thank you? Last time I check, nope. Once again, I'm fixing your relationships with other girls. Even though I want to be their shoes. I want to be the one you are with. I know you're likes and dislikes and yet I'm still not the one. You always get mad about how girls treat you, but you know that I'll treat you right. I'm not who you want though.

"you guys been through my sheit forever and a lifetime. and i don't want you guys spliting up because you two are a wonderful couple:)you guys changed eachother lifes and turn them around!i don't want to see it washh away"

I've been through shit forever and lifetime with this guy. He changed my life. I don't to see it wash away either. Thanks. I guess I'll always just be the "friend."

When will it be me?

I get regected on numerous occasions. When I got rejected from winterball, it got me thinking. It's never about me. It always about other girls and how they affect these boys, my so called "friends." All these girls have these guys that will do anything for them. And what am I? The one that helps the guy and the girl go together. But, who will help me go together with a guy?
I know I joke about it all the time, but deep down, it sucks.
I walk around and see couples holding hand in hand, only hoping and praying that I could be one of those one day.
I want a guy to resuce me from myself. I want a guy to wipe my tears away and assure me that he'll never hurt me. I want a guy that is willing to break down my barriers. I want a guy to support me, just as much as I will support them. I want a guy that thinks about me constantly. I want a guy that will love me for me, flaws & all. I want a guy that understands my past and knows why I'm so scared to fall in love. I want a guy that will listen to everything I have to say, stupid or not. I want a guy that will watch the sunset with me. I want him to smile at me and take away all of my problems. I want him to love me like no other boy has ever had. I want him to everything that I need. I don't need a superman. I just want this guy to WANT me as myself.

I think I have been waiting patiently.

"Only love lets us see normal things in extraordinary ways."
I want to see those normal things in extraordinary ways.

Guys.

About guys,to girls;
We don't care if you talk to some guys.We don't care if you're friends with other guys.
But when you're sitting next to us, and some random guy walks into the room and you jump up and tackle him, without even introducing us, yeah, it pisses us off.It doesn't help if you sit there and talk to him for ten minutes without even acknowledging the fact that we're still there.

We don't care if a guy calls >OR TEXTS< you, but at 2 in the morning we do get a little concerned.Nothing is that important at 2 a.m.

Also, when we tell you you're pretty/ beautiful/ gorgeous/ cute/ stunning, we fucking mean it.
Don't tell us we're wrong.
or We'll stop trying to convince you.
The sexiest thing about a girl is confidenceYeah, you can quote me.
Don't be mad when we hold the door open.
Take Advantage of the mood im in.
Let us pay for you!
Dont "feel bad"We enjoy doing it
It's expected.
Smile and say "thank you.
Kiss us when no one's watching.If you kiss us when you know somebody's looking, we'll be more impressed.

And you don't have to get dressed up for us.we're going out with you in the first place, you don't have to feel the need towear the shortest skirt you have or put on every kind of makeup you own.We like you for who you are and not what you arent.honestly, i think a girl looks more beautiful when she's just in her pj's.or my tshirt and boxers, not all dolled up

Don't take everything we say seriously.Sarcasm is a beautiful thing. See the beauty in it.Don't get angry easily.stop using magazines/ media as your bible.

Don't talk about how hott Chris Brown, Brad Pitt, or the dude from Twilight is in front of us.It's boring, and we don't care. You have girlfriends for that.Whatever happened to the word " handsome" / " beautiful"I'd be utterly stunned by a girl who greeted me with "Hey handsome!" instead of "Hey baby/ stud/ cutie/ sexy" or whatever else you can think of.On the other hand im not sayin i woulndnt like it ether (;

Girls, I cannot stress this enough: if you aren't being treated right by a guy, dont wait for him to change.

Ditch his sorry ass, disgrace to the male population and find someone who will treat you with utter respect
Someone who will honor your morals.
Someone who will make you smile when you're at your lowest.S
omeone who will care for you even when you make mistakes.
Someone who will love you, no matter how bad you make them feel.
Someone who will stop what they're doing just to look you in the eyes....and say "i love you" ..and actually mean it.G
ive the nice guys a chanceGuys repost this if you agreeGirls repost this if you think it's cuteEvery Guy who isn't a jerk will agree with this, so we hope that all the girls that read this will repost this*Holdin HandsGirls :If you want to hold his hand, gently bump into him a couple of times.Guys : Grab it if it happens more than once.*CuddlingGirls : When you want to cuddle with him, tell him you're coldGuys : Automatically move closer to her.*MoviesGirls : During a movie, if he puts his arm around you, tilt your head on his shoulderGuys : Lift her chin up and kiss her*Loving each otherGuys : When she tells you she loves you, look deep into her eyes, give her a peck on the lips, and tell her you love her too... And mean it.*Laying below the starsGirls : When you're both laying under the stars, put your head on his chest and close your eyes as you listen to his steady heart beatGuys : Whisper in her ear and link your hands with hers.By 12 am tonight your one true love will realize how much they want you.Girls repost as: written by a guy :]guys repost as: Girls need to realize

Waiting in Vain,

"Its hard to give up on something knowing that it might never happen. Its even harder giving up on something when its everything you want."

Capri: "You know if you were smaller, he would totally date you. Just by the way, you guys talked. It was like you guys were going out, except in a friends way. And you know what I think? I think he liked you the whole time, but he just didn't know what to do with himself. He's so caught up with looks and what his friends might think."

And you know what? I think she's fucking right. If I was a size two, we would totally go out. Because to you, height doesn't matter. Because you were in love with Kalei and she's taller than you. So, obiviously its size. But, the whole liking me thing - I don't think so. I mean, who would like me? Nobody.

Straight up - the reason why I go to Damien games is because of you. I want to go and support you. I want to support my bestfriend on the field. I want you to be able to look up on the bleachers and see a big sign thats says 'chansome' and smile and know that somebody is up there just for you. I was hoping maybe that somebody would be me. I hope this isn't asking for a lot. But, did I ever get a 'Thank you Ash for coming to my game. Thank you for supporting me"? As fat as I know, no.

Thats why I constantly feel like I'm not good.

Gotta suck it up.

You want the truth?

I was so pissed at you because you got up and left. You got up and left just like my mother did. And that's what hurt the most. You used to tell me that I was better and she doesn't know what she just did because she left a great daughter. You would always tell me, "You'll be alright."

After realizing that you were such a good friend to me, and you were trying. I decided to try too. I wrote you a long ass message about how much I miss our friendship - just waiting for a response. Did I get one? Aha, nope. I find it funny that the messages that mean the most to me, people just have a tendency to read them. Way to make me feel fucking special.

I'm so grateful that you would call me here and there. Just the sound of your singing, brings a smile to my face. But, sometimes I'm wondering if I'm shooting myself in the foot because you talk about other girls to me. And how much these girls want you. Shit, you tell the girl that likes you this? You're fucking awesome. But on the other hand, you make me feel special. With the little things that you do. Like at the game, when you were walking to the bus and you couldn't talk to anybody. I was standing on the side, looking at you, and through your helmet, you winked at me. I smiled and waved. Just a little gesture as a wink, made me feel special.

Straight Up -

I really like you. Idk? Just the way you made me feel about myself. The fact that you were always there. The one that I could count on to be there. The one that would call me every night. I'm not even joking, you were like my best friend. This whole summer, we would cry to each other on the phone.

I remember that one night that you and Ihi got into that big fight. You and I were in a little bit of fight. Capri was sleeping over my house. I left my phone in my room while her and I watched TV downstairs. You called me twice and a text message. I wasn't planning on calling you back. I don't remember, but I was mad at you. We came back into my room and you left Capri a commetn asking for her number. I was like WTF? I knew for sure I wasn't going to call you back. You called Capri and asked for me. You called her because you wanted to talk to me. That feeling - I could never forget. You were telling me how I'm your best friend and you look up to me.

The party - oh man. That was crazy. I swear, I couldn't wait for the party because I knew you would be there. The reason why I told you that I wasn't going was because for once in your life maybe you would be happy to see me. I guessed wrong. Matter of fact - you looked pissed to actually see me. Was it becasue I walked in with Ihi? As soon as we walked through the doors, you turned completely around. Yes, you kissed me hello but you could feel the awkwardness between you. Everybody felt it. You didn't talk to me. I didn't know why. The only thing you told me was "Ash, smell my hands." Thats pretty much it. When she gave you a lapdance, it crushed me. I knew you guys were joking, but it came to the point where I had to turn around. I walked outside with Ihi and had to suck my balls so I can put on a smile for Darian at her party.

I don't know what happen to be completely honest. When I got my phone taken away, we stopped talking. I tried my hardest to talk to you. As soon as I got it back, you sounded like you didn't want to talk to me. Fine then. I didn't know what I did wrong. So, I thought maybe I should tell you the truth. And what do you tell me, "don't waste your time here." Oh jeez, thanks for making me feel like shit. I wanted to cry right then and there at school. I wish that I didn't say anything. You sent me a message saying how you were sorry and shit. Doesn't seem like it? It seems like you don't give a shit whats going on. I'm fucking dieing here and you think its just a walk in the park. You told me that you can't handle me being mad at you. You can handle other people being mad at you, but not me. WTF are you doing? Yeah, aboustely nothing.

I told you I wouldn't leave. And I didn't. I still didn't. I'll always be here for you. You know how to call me, you've done it before. The ball is in your court now. I tried talking to you but you just stop. So, whatever. You do what you want.

I didn't receive that warning,

You joke around about how all these girls want you. You tell me, that when you text them, you warn them: "Don't fall in love with me." You know what's sad? I didn't receive that warning. You didn't tell me that, and look now - I'm falling. I don't know ifs its love. Hell, I don't even know if its 'like.' Okay, maybe it is. But, shit. The one person that you didn't warn, fell. How funny.

I'll never be good enough.

Fuck it, whatever. I'm tired of love. I'm tired of being hurt. I'm tired of hoping that I would be that 'special girl' to somebody. I'm tired of telling myself that the one guy will come my way, I just have to be patient. Bullshit. I'm tired of people telling me that I have to wait for love to find me. I don't want to wait anymore.I've been hurt so much, I lost count. I used to wait for 11:11 and wish for love. Well, I know that you can't wish for love because it won't come true. No matter how many times I wish or how hard I hope, it'll never come true. Before, I would pray to God that he bring me somebody my way, that will love me unconditionally. I don't pray for that anymore. I pray that God leads me unto the path he wants me to go.I have friends that would come to me for love advice. Don't get me wrong, I love helping them out. But, I don't know what to tell them. I, honestly, don't. I just picture myself in that person's shoes and see how I would feel.I have to admit, I'm not the type of girl that guys would wait in line to talk too. I don't deserve it. I don't deserve a guy to make me smile like no other. I don't deserve a guy to make me feel the way I should. I don't deserve a guy to look at me the way other people do. I don't deserve a guy to make me his girl. I don't deserve shit. I guess all these other girls deserve it. Because they got it.I'm not looking, I'm not trying, I'm not doing jackshit.

I'm just me-

Before, I used to try and be like other girls because guys would like them. I would look at a certain girl and try to act like them so hopefully a guy would come my way. I've started to have confidence in myself and realize that I didn't need to be anybody else but myself. I would have tendencies to copy, but I stop myself and think; If they don't like who I am, they can deal with it. I'm going to be me with or without you. I would like you to like me, but if you don't who's going to stop you. I'm Ashley Ku'uleialoha Kupau, I'm just me (:

Church 061409

"Your name matters to Him. You're somebody to God. He loves you. He not only loves you, he likes you. He loves to be with you. When people tell you that you don't matter. Or when you tell yourself that you don't matter, rethink that. God thinks you matter. He chose you to be is child. Don't wish that you were someone different to please other people. The only person you need to please is God. He loves you just the way you are."Today as I walk into church I thought to myself, "I don't really want to be here." In the high school events, we had a special guest. At first she was singing some lame songs. Then she started to speak. She told us about how whenever she was younger, she felt that she didn't matter because of how she looked. All of the kids thought that she was weird. She came home crying, only wishing that she was like them. She told us that she wished that she could be different for somebody to like her. That's when I started to get quiet, and really listen. She mentioned that she needed to prove something to people, just for them to like her.As she was speaking, I thought of myself. I thought about how I feel like I have to prove something to people, to show people what I'm made of. I thought how I wish day and night that I could be something to him. More than just a friend. I thought about how I wish I could just change myself for him. For him to even notice me differently, notice me like a diamond in the rough. I thought about how I feel like I'm never good enough for my friends. I thought how there's always another girl, about how it's never me.Because of today, within an hour. I feel like a different person. I feel like I shouldn't change. If I were to change it would be for the better of myself and God. Not for somebody to take a double look at me. I feel like I'm a better person. I'll always have God in mind, He'll be with me every step I take. For that, I'm forever grateful.

I can't hurt you even though you hurt me.

I can't hurt you even though you hurt me. Plain & simple. I take so much shit from you without saying a word. I feel like I'm never good enough for you. Whatever I say, it doesn't matter to you. I go through so much shit for us to talk. I go against the rules with my dad. You told me that I was your hope. You told me that everything I say makes you feel better, bullshit. You were only saying those things is because you're a sweettalker. I feel like I'm the only person that will actually listen to you when you want to talk about *her. Its always other girls you want to talk about. The things you say to other girls you would never say to me. I shouldn't complain though. You call me every night, they call you. There's a difference. I mean, apart of me just wants to call it quits, & be like we shouldn't be friends. But, I promised you that I wouldn't leave. You're making it hard for me to stay.

Funny things is no matter how many times I complain about you or want to call it quits, every time I talk to you- you make me want to stay even more. You make me feel better about myself. I love the way you would call me every night. I love the way you say my name. I love the way you put your smiley faces in your texts. Everything. So, no matter how many times you hurt me, I could never hurt you.

When is it your turn?

You say, 'When is it my turn?' It is your turn just by being able to call the girl you like your own. It is your time to shine just by having the girl you like in your arms. God is shining the light on you, by giving you the opprunitiy to tell her that you love her. Even though she doesn't say it back, you know she loves you. I would give anything to be able to call the guy that I like my own. I would give anything to have the guy that I like to tell him how I feel. You say 'When is it my turn?' Funny. I wish I could ever have a turn.

I'm scared,

I guess you can say that I will give the world to anybody who wants. I will give anybody my attention if they want it that bad. I trust people a little too easily. I trust you until you give me a reason not too. I will give other people everything they want in the world. But, I guess because I never been loved before, that I'm scared. I'm scared to be loved. I'm scared to get attention. I'm scared to actually be wanted. God knows how much I wish you could love me, I'm actually scared than ever. I'm scared that if I ever have you, I'll be so scared to screw up that I'll do things wrong to make you leave me. Honestly, look at me. I'm talking about you leaving me, and we're not even together. Unbelieveable.

STL DANCE

First, I just wanted to say thank you. Thank you for actually taking the time to see if I was okay. The little things like that truly get to me. You guys asked if I was alright at the dance. During the dance, I really didn't know what was wrong with me? I thought I just wasn't 'feeling it.' Idk? But, as soon as I got into the car was thinking about the dance. I thought to myself, 'what was wrong'Here's what I got:1. I thought about Nainoa, like always. He got into STL, and he's going there for high school. It got me all excited (: But, then I started to ask myself questions and I didn't even know at the time. I was asking 'Would Nainoa go to a dance? If he was to see, would he just walk away and pretend like he didn't know me? If he was to say hi to me, would he hug? kiss on the cheek? what? Would he dance with me? Would we be together by that time?' You guys know that all I want is Nainoa, I mean honestly who doesn't? Him.2. Then I started to think about this whole Chandler and Ihi situation. I mean, I love ALL of you guys. You guys are ALL my friends. I feel I'm in the middle of this situation, and I don't know what to do. I just somehow wish I could sneak away from this, and but still there be for you guys.3. You guys know what Chandler told me, & he did apolgize. "You're just jealous because there is no one to sing to you 'Ashley Parts' " Even though he apolgized numerous amounts of times, it still kinda stings. Ya'Know? Why does it sting so much? I understand that he was joking, but the worse part is that he's right. I am jealous. I'm so jealous that Ihi has a boy that thinks she's the world. I just wish that Nainoa thought I was the world to him, but I'm just a friend.
4. My family. My dad insists that I go see a therapists. But, he just doesn't understand that my friends are my therapists. I'm getting irratated with him, but he constantly talks about it. All I want to tell him is that, 'You know that we're all hurt? Why do you continue to bring it up? Why do you want to remind me of everything that happened? I already know what happened, I was there.'
5. I have a tendency to overanalyze things. We all know that. I keep on kicking myself in the ass for constantly asking questions, seeing what's the answer. When there doesn't have to be.
Again, I wanted to thank you for always being there for me. To actually notice that something was wrong with me, and take action towards it.

Just You Loving Me Is All I Want

Some girls say that they want the 'Happy One Year Babe' videos on youtube, or the Valentine's Day cards and roses. To be honest, I don't need any of that. Don't get me wrong, that would be really nice, but the one thing that I want more than anything is for you to love as more than a friend. I would give the world up for you.
I feel stupid, because I'm expecting you to do these things. I'm sitting here, hoping, wishing, and praying for you to open your eyes and realize that I'm here. But, really, I can't blame you for you go out with another girl. I didn't really have the guts to go up to you and tell you how I feel. I feel like I can talk to you about everything but this.
I guess you mean THAT much to me.

Unappreciated

I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. How many times did I try to help you out? And I don't even get a simple thank you? What the fuck? I have to fucking remind you that I was there to remind your girlfriend to grab your fucking hand, knowing that you would be happy. Knowing that YOU WOULD BE FUCKING HAPPY! What the hell? You tell me that Kalei was the only one there for you. Don't get me wrong, I love Kalei to death, I have nothing against her. But, I was there too. I was there staying up with you at 2 in the morning on aim or on the phone listening to you tell me how much you love your girlfriend. Don't you think I get a little recongnition? Thank you would be nice.

Obligation-

I don't want you to talk to me because I actually said something. Talk to me because you want to talk to me. I hate it when people do something because that whats they know thats what the other person wants. If they are going to do something for me, I don't them to do it because they feel like they have to, I want them to do it from the goodness of their heart, for me.

About Me?

Do you even care?
Well, here's my about me. The truth, everything.

My name is Ashley Ku'uelaloha Kupau. People have their nicknames. I am 15, but I'm going to turn 16 on June 3rd. I go to St. Francis High School. I am currently single, but I am head over heals in like with this guy.
I have a habit of overanalyzing things. I wish I didn't, but I do it unconscicously. I can get jealous very easily. I'm not as strong willed as I seem. I may seem like I have the perfect life on the outside, but it doesn't really come out that well. I can put smiles on other people's faces, but my own. I always feel that I'm not good enough for anybody. I have loads of baggage. My baggage consists of all my struggles, my tears, my emotions, my writings, everything. I can be an emotional wreck. If you mean a lot to me, I will love you with all my heart.

I'm scared of life though. I'm scared to be love, no matter how much I want it. I'm scared to be hurt again. I'm scared of commitment. I'm scared to actually be accepted.

That's just a little bit of me.
I guess I'm just too complicated.

Smile,

I know the pity face so well. I know all of the sorrys, I know everything.
I feel like I'm contridicting myself, because apart of me is telling me to 'just smile' but thinking about it, it's not that easy as it sounds. People may tell you that everything is going to be okay. Sometimes it doesn't come out that way. You can hope that everything will be okay, but we don't know for sure, do we?

Wish

Don't you just wish that sometimes you could just change things just by simply saying the words? I got through watching 'Bedtime Stories' with Adam Sandler. It got me thinking. I wish that whenever trouble came along or something I want to happen, I could simply say the right words, and there...it happens.
Life isn't always that way. Life has its roads with bumps, but other roads have smooth sailing. Life is complicated.

No Prince Charming For Me

Once I've met you, I've stopped wishing upon a star or thinking about story tales, because for once my reality is better my own dreams or the stories. I don't need you to be Aladdin and I'll be Jasmine. I don't need you to be Eric and I'll be Ariel. I just need you to be you and for me to me. Because we became hella close for us to be ourselves.

I read about little girls dreaming about their Prince Charming, and when they get married they find one. I dream that I would find one my own. That one day, I'll marry my own Prince Charming. But, because of you, I find that you are my Prince Charming.

With the sound of voice saying my name, my head starts to spin. Just the simple touch of your hand brushing against my shoulder, makes my whole body start to become liquid. I'm so much in LIKE with you, that I can't see straight.

I believe that people don't know love. I believe that special feeling that people get when they see each other is truly special. But, I don't know love. I think that only God understands love. Why do I say I love you? I, honestly, have no idea. I just say it as words for my feeling towards them. Maybe thats it. Maybe say 'i love you' as exception for the feelings because thats the only way you can say it to them, by saying 'i love you.'

Well, I want to be able to say 'i love you' to you. I want to be able to tell you everything that I feel for you. I want to be able to call you my own. I want you and only you to be my Prince Charming.