When is it your turn?

You say, 'When is it my turn?' It is your turn just by being able to call the girl you like your own. It is your time to shine just by having the girl you like in your arms. God is shining the light on you, by giving you the opprunitiy to tell her that you love her. Even though she doesn't say it back, you know she loves you. I would give anything to be able to call the guy that I like my own. I would give anything to have the guy that I like to tell him how I feel. You say 'When is it my turn?' Funny. I wish I could ever have a turn.

I'm scared,

I guess you can say that I will give the world to anybody who wants. I will give anybody my attention if they want it that bad. I trust people a little too easily. I trust you until you give me a reason not too. I will give other people everything they want in the world. But, I guess because I never been loved before, that I'm scared. I'm scared to be loved. I'm scared to get attention. I'm scared to actually be wanted. God knows how much I wish you could love me, I'm actually scared than ever. I'm scared that if I ever have you, I'll be so scared to screw up that I'll do things wrong to make you leave me. Honestly, look at me. I'm talking about you leaving me, and we're not even together. Unbelieveable.

STL DANCE

First, I just wanted to say thank you. Thank you for actually taking the time to see if I was okay. The little things like that truly get to me. You guys asked if I was alright at the dance. During the dance, I really didn't know what was wrong with me? I thought I just wasn't 'feeling it.' Idk? But, as soon as I got into the car was thinking about the dance. I thought to myself, 'what was wrong'Here's what I got:1. I thought about Nainoa, like always. He got into STL, and he's going there for high school. It got me all excited (: But, then I started to ask myself questions and I didn't even know at the time. I was asking 'Would Nainoa go to a dance? If he was to see, would he just walk away and pretend like he didn't know me? If he was to say hi to me, would he hug? kiss on the cheek? what? Would he dance with me? Would we be together by that time?' You guys know that all I want is Nainoa, I mean honestly who doesn't? Him.2. Then I started to think about this whole Chandler and Ihi situation. I mean, I love ALL of you guys. You guys are ALL my friends. I feel I'm in the middle of this situation, and I don't know what to do. I just somehow wish I could sneak away from this, and but still there be for you guys.3. You guys know what Chandler told me, & he did apolgize. "You're just jealous because there is no one to sing to you 'Ashley Parts' " Even though he apolgized numerous amounts of times, it still kinda stings. Ya'Know? Why does it sting so much? I understand that he was joking, but the worse part is that he's right. I am jealous. I'm so jealous that Ihi has a boy that thinks she's the world. I just wish that Nainoa thought I was the world to him, but I'm just a friend.
4. My family. My dad insists that I go see a therapists. But, he just doesn't understand that my friends are my therapists. I'm getting irratated with him, but he constantly talks about it. All I want to tell him is that, 'You know that we're all hurt? Why do you continue to bring it up? Why do you want to remind me of everything that happened? I already know what happened, I was there.'
5. I have a tendency to overanalyze things. We all know that. I keep on kicking myself in the ass for constantly asking questions, seeing what's the answer. When there doesn't have to be.
Again, I wanted to thank you for always being there for me. To actually notice that something was wrong with me, and take action towards it.

Just You Loving Me Is All I Want

Some girls say that they want the 'Happy One Year Babe' videos on youtube, or the Valentine's Day cards and roses. To be honest, I don't need any of that. Don't get me wrong, that would be really nice, but the one thing that I want more than anything is for you to love as more than a friend. I would give the world up for you.
I feel stupid, because I'm expecting you to do these things. I'm sitting here, hoping, wishing, and praying for you to open your eyes and realize that I'm here. But, really, I can't blame you for you go out with another girl. I didn't really have the guts to go up to you and tell you how I feel. I feel like I can talk to you about everything but this.
I guess you mean THAT much to me.

Unappreciated

I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. How many times did I try to help you out? And I don't even get a simple thank you? What the fuck? I have to fucking remind you that I was there to remind your girlfriend to grab your fucking hand, knowing that you would be happy. Knowing that YOU WOULD BE FUCKING HAPPY! What the hell? You tell me that Kalei was the only one there for you. Don't get me wrong, I love Kalei to death, I have nothing against her. But, I was there too. I was there staying up with you at 2 in the morning on aim or on the phone listening to you tell me how much you love your girlfriend. Don't you think I get a little recongnition? Thank you would be nice.

Obligation-

I don't want you to talk to me because I actually said something. Talk to me because you want to talk to me. I hate it when people do something because that whats they know thats what the other person wants. If they are going to do something for me, I don't them to do it because they feel like they have to, I want them to do it from the goodness of their heart, for me.